(Author’s note: first story, so would appreciate feedback. Thanks for reading.)

–

I had anticipated Landon’s engagement for years now – frankly, I was surprised it had taken him this long. Everyone had expected him and his girlfriend, Tara, to tie the knot before he finished law school. They seemed to be head over heels for each other from the get-go, but his excuse of wanting stability before marriage made sense.

Landon had always been a calculated person. A 5’11, sandy-haired dork with blue eyes that seemed to always be stuck on a document. Careful, intelligent, firm – it was why I first hated being his college roommate. While I had been there to learn how to get away with smoking in my dorm and argue with myself on whether or not to go to class, Landon was there to solidify his place at the top of the class and indirectly make everyone inferior.

I tried hard to keep on hating him, but what can I say? The guy grew on me after a year of rooming together. We both managed to walk out of college with degrees and a friendship of four years.

Landon also walked out with Tara, who came from a similar religious family as Landon’s. They were adorable and catastrophically cliché – Landon held the door for her, Tara maintained a respectful but charming tone with everyone, and they both lived fiercely by the purity rings on their fingers. In a way, I envied the commitment to each other, but it disappeared the first and only time I accepted their invite to Sunday mass. Surely they weren’t expecting a college student to cough up his last five dollars for the week, right?

Tara respected my friendship with Landon, but the undertone of dislike was always there. I would catch her eye rolls at my stories or side glances whenever I invited Landon to hang out with our group of friends. I understood her wariness – I just barely passed my courses and might’ve risked alcohol poisoning one too many times, but I didn’t think it warranted disliking me. Landon wasn’t seduced by my irresponsibility. He was there for my stories, grabbing meals together, or going on runs. The occasional study session did help.

Despite this, we managed to stay peaceful enough to where we could coexist as Landon’s girlfriend and best friend, long enough for him to propose and ask me to be his best man.

Was I supposed to decline? “About time!” I had told him. I was over at his apartment, which he would soon be sharing with Tara now that they were engaged. To make space, he was getting rid of some of his stuff, with some of it headed to my place.

“Do you know what that means?” Landon asked, removing his glasses to wipe sweat off his eyes. He had asked for my help with the boxes in exchange for pizza. I would’ve done it for free but hey, why not save on dinner? Turns out an art degree didn’t lead to wealth most of the time. “You know, your responsibilities?”

I grabbed a slice from the box on his kitchen island. “I thought I just planned the bachelor party. I mean, I don’t mind other stuff but I figured it was more of Tara’s territory.”

“It’s my wedding too, you know,” Landon replied, taking a plate of his own. He never liked eating food without dishes and a napkin. Sometimes I liked to steal his napkin when he wasn’t looking. “I also don’t want Tara to get overwhelmed.”

“That’s more of your job, isn’t it?” I joked, receiving a sarcastic smile in response. “Seriously man, just tell me what you need. Ian and I are at your service.”

At the mention of Ian’s name, Landon’s face fell. Ian and I had been dating for five months at the time, in my first relationship with a guy. I had come to terms with my bisexuality a year prior, which had only soured me further to Tara and surprisingly Landon. It made sense, I guess – the two were uber-Christian as is, but the brief reluctance from Landon had hurt. Luckily, it didn’t keep us apart too long, but it did cut down on how often Tara saw me. I assumed Landon must’ve put up a fight to have me as his best man.

But back to Ian. I noticed Landon’s change of note. “What? Don’t tell me he can’t come to the wedding. You like Ian.”

“I do, that’s not the problem,” Landon clarified, “It’s just… you guys haven’t been dating for a long time. Tara wanted a destination wedding. What if there’s money wasted on your behalf or something?”

Both Landon and Tara’s families were loaded. Landon’s parents loved me as far as I knew – were they always this stingy? “Dude, we can pay for our stuff just fine. Ian can cover his part.”

“It’s not about the money.”

“You said money.”

“I know! I mean-” Landon paused. He never let himself get carried away with his emotions – probably why he was already headed to becoming a partner in his firm. He was a genius… at least during trials. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, you know I want what’s going on with you and Ian to work out fine, I just don’t want you to mark him as a plus one and then let it be a grim reminder at the wedding if…”

“But… what if not?” I said, “What bayrampaşa escort bayan if we don’t break up by then?”

We broke up a month later.

Thankfully, running errands for Landon and Tara kept me busy. The following six months were a blur of tux fittings, centerpiece pick-ups, and the creation of hundreds of invitations by hand. Apparently, the only thing Tara respected from me was my painting. To this day I feel ghost pains on my wrist from repainting the same flowers for six days straight.

In a shocking turn of events that surprised absolutely no one, Landon wanted a laid-back bachelor party.

“It’s not like I was getting you a stripper,” I spoke into my steering wheel one random afternoon. It was three months before the wedding and I was headed to my job. Pairing teaching wine and paint classes with my social personality led to a decent amount of money. “But seriously? No drinks? A night at a club? Not even a bar?”

“Heath-“

“Not even paintball or something?” I asked. Why was I catching every red light? “You’re gonna take a group of thirty-year-olds who don’t know each other and force them together to do what, read the bible?”

“Actually, Scott has done some sermons-“

“I don’t care!” I interrupted. “How am I even supposed to plan this?”

After years of friendship, I knew Landon didn’t drink. Or smoke. Or go out. God, he really was blessed to have found Tara. He was an antisocial encyclopedia with legs that only spoke when forced to. Had he not gone to countless Toastmasters meetings, I would’ve never believed he was a lawyer. But this all just complicated my task – how was I supposed to throw a bachelor party for the world’s first human hermit crab?

“Plus, there’s a bunch of guys in your party,” I added. Landon’s groomsmen party was made up of two of Tara’s brothers, one of Landon’s cousins, and four of our friends from college. Not ideal for a recluse like Landon, but Tara had kept the same five friends since childhood and had three cousins to match. “What if we go play golf?”

“What if we go to Parsons?”

I could’ve sworn I had misunderstood the phrase blaring from my car speakers. Parsons was a resort three hours away from our city, nestled in the high mountains and a getaway from anyone wanting to get wasted or lose money without judgment. They had the only rounded casino in miles, two bars and restaurants, and a bunch of mundane activities for anyone who didn’t love gambling or hangovers. Classy enough for a second honeymoon but affordable enough for a couples’ getaway.

Or, you know, a bachelor’s. “You? At Parsons? What would you even do there?”

“They have a pool,” he suggested.

“Yeah, nothing funner than paying a bunch of money to swim,” I snorted.

“It’s heated!” Landon exclaimed, followed by a frustrated sigh. “Look, remember when I talked to you about that library with the hand-carved ceiling?”

Fucking nerd. “It’s by Parsons? You wanna go up there for all of us to see a ceiling?” Of course I remembered. He talked about it for a week straight a few months ago. Something about how the architect was mourning his wife and carved out drawings of their life together. Landon had been fascinated.

As I remembered how passionately he had spoken about the library, I realized there was no other option. Landon as is had difficulty with the stress of the wedding, I couldn’t refuse his one wish that could come true without any intervention.

I let out a melodramatic sigh of my own. “How much per night?”

–

The drive to the resort was quite pleasant. Landon and I rode alone in his convertible while everyone else split two cars. The check-in process was smooth. I could probably have been more detailed in the hotel’s description, but no one but Landon was there to talk design. Shortly after settling in, the men headed for their drinks.

Determined to save money, we had settled for two guys per room. Naturally, I shared it with my best friend. After taking a second to rest, I rolled over on my queen-sized bed, watching as Landon connected his charger. “So, what’s first on the itinerary? Bird watching?” I asked.

I had fully expected to accompany Landon to all his low-energy activities. Sure, playing poker with the guys could be fun, but the idea of him being by himself during the weekend bummed me out. I had even set the goal of having a fully sober weekend – Landon shouldn’t have had to babysit and God knew none of these guys would last too long without a shot.

To my surprise, Landon wanted to go to the bar.

After fifty renditions of “Are you sure” and twenty more of “No, seriously, are you sure”, we both made our way to the groomsmen. They all shared my surprise at Landon’s desire to drink but followed it up with deciding who would buy Landon’s first drink, well, ever. The first cocktail to ease him into alcohol was pleasant, the two shots that followed were not, and before I knew it I was multitasking every other minute. Even though I tried to bayan escort be laid back about it, the special occasion led to the men being more intoxicated than I had ever seen then. The hours passed by with a “Hey man, what if you have some water” or a “You know what buddy, the best place to dance isn’t on the edge of the pool” coming up too often for my taste.

Four hours had progressed into the night, with most of the men winding down when one AM arrived. Some were calmly chatting at a bar table as their drunkness wore off, others had turned in for the night. At that point, however, I was carrying a sloppy Landon back to our hotel room, his hair drenched and his shirt wet with… actually, I didn’t want to remember it. All I remember is how thankful I was for elevators.

“Can you walk a bit, buddy?” I had groaned, considering how much Landon was dragging his legs. Despite my best efforts to not have him dive into alcohol, the idiot drank more every time I was distracted. At least the hangover that was to come would probably certify it as a one-time thing.

“Waterrr…” he slurred, his lips parted with dehydration. We had finally arrived at our hotel room.

“You can drink water soon, buddy. Just hang on tight,” I assured, trying to grab my card key with my one free hand. Landon, despite being a bit on the thinner side, was not making this any easier on my other arm.

I finally managed to let us in, immediately giving Landon some water and guiding him to his bed. Still fully dressed, he plopped on the mattress facedown. So much for a guy who was here just for the library.

With Landon in bed, I cleaned myself up and got ready to sleep as well. As I turned off the lamp on our shared bedside table, I relaxed into the sheets. I was spent.

“Heath?” Landon mumbled, turning his head towards my bed. His eyes were cracked open, fighting sleep.

I, however, was determined to let sleep win. “What?”

“Thank you.”

Oh, cool, that was all. “No problem man, now go to sleep,” I concluded, rolling over to face the wall. I felt my own eyes about to close when Landon spoke again.

“Why didn’t you ever hit on me?”

I laughed it off, assuming the alcohol was still in play. “‘Cause you’re my friend.”

“Well you’re my friend too,” he answered nonchalantly, “and I still want you to fuck me.”

If my eyes were heavy before, my eyelids were now as apart as humanely possible. I resisted the urge to sit up, although it might’ve just been the shock. Or the denial.

He wanted me to what?

My instinct was to blame the drinks. Who hasn’t said stupid shit when drunk? “You drank a lot, buddy. Just go to bed.”

“Be honest,” he continued, “have you thought of me too?”

At that point, I had stopped answering. Landon must’ve figured I had fallen asleep, which he did soon after. Unfortunately, my eyes were frozen to the wall, seeing if any crack on the paint could spell out how I was supposed to approach my best friend now that I knew he wanted me to fuck him.

I didn’t get any sleep the entire night, with my trance broken when I heard Landon’s obnoxious six AM alarm go off. His routine had been the same since we roomed together: one hour of the gym in the morning followed by a shower, breakfast, and then his daily responsibilities This time, however, his hangover won. He groaned, told his phone to shut up, and went back to bed. The sun was up at that point. It was the last thing I saw before finally falling asleep.

–

I woke up around noon to an empty room. My phone had updates from the other men – since we were all familiar with Landon’s MO, we had expected to be split up anyway. I gave a call to Bradley, one of our mutual friends since college. They had seen Landon at breakfast, suffering through the first (and last) hangover of his life, before heading to the nearby library.

“I thought you were gonna go with him,” Bradley said, the sound of people playing pool in the background.

I made a mental note to go there later. What can I say? I like to play. But first, my friend. “I was, but I fell asleep pretty late. Don’t know why he didn’t wake me,” I replied, my phone sandwiched between my ear and my shoulder as I got dressed.

“He was a little off. Maybe he needs alone time. You know how antisocial he gets,” Bradley suggested. He was right, Landon hated crowds typically, but this time around I couldn’t fathom the idea of him being alone.

Bradley was kind enough to let me use his car to drive over to the library. Josephine Something Public Library. It sure had lots of articles, but not enough to make me remember the full name. Thankfully, Google Maps came through.

As I arrived, I wanted to punch myself for insulting Landon’s interest. The library was as gorgeous and as detailed as he had gushed. Tall doors, maintained wallpaper, it even smelled floral. For all I know it was a Glade plug-in or something, but it was a nice touch.

As expected, Landon was standing in between the rows of bookcases, bağcılar escort bayan his head turned upwards. I followed his glance before I approached him. The carvings were huge and as intricate as described. But they weren’t my priority.

“Thanks for the invite,” I whispered as I startled him. I couldn’t help but be slightly bitter.

Landon faced me, his eyes avoidant. “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“You had no problem waking me up that one time you wanted to tell me you found a rock shaped like a star on a hike, but you draw the line at this? Not even telling me you’re leaving?” I hissed. I hadn’t realized how much this got to me. All things considered, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I could’ve just stayed at the hotel and played with the guys.

But I couldn’t, because it was Landon.

Landon finally met my eyes, irritated. “You really want to talk about it? Here of all places?” he asked, tugging at the strap of his messenger bag.

Of course he had to remember. Why couldn’t he forget? I should’ve expected this, this guy had annotated the Constitution for fun. “Talk about what?”

“About what I told you last night,” he clarified, not appreciating my fake cluelessness. He took a look around, nervous about people hearing in. The only person I had seen upon entering was a librarian at the very front, too far to hear us. Considering it was only our vehicles in the parking lot, it was safe to say most people who came into town didn’t come for the books.

I had only seen Landon get flustered a few times in my life, so the fact that this was one of them felt… special. I couldn’t say I had never found Landon attractive. I couldn’t say I had never had a what-if thought… but he had been my best friend for so long, with a girlfriend most of the time, one he was set to marry in a week.

Had he just been talking out of his ass, that’d be one thing, but as he looked at me both intensely and shamefully, I couldn’t help but accept that he had somehow developed something for me.

“So you meant it?” I asked, briefly looking over my shoulder, returning to him. I tried to keep my nerves out of my voice, in case this would all somehow end up being some massive joke. “Landon, are you into me?”

“Yes,” he answered quickly, not allowing for one second to pass by. He was surprised at his candor but remained still. We both did.

I contemplated my options, putting the logical ones at the forefront. This was my best friend. He was set to get married in a week. Our friends and his future family expected us back eventually. His fiancée hated me. He was, again, about to get married.

But logic was never my strong suit.

In a quick movement, I grabbed his sides and pulled him in, meeting his mouth with mine. His surprise was brief, as he soon was kissing me back with the same intensity. His hands found their way up my chest, to my cheeks, and eventually my hair, which he ruffled and tugged slightly.

Any thought of the possible moral repercussions seemed to have evaporated. I didn’t care what happened in an hour, a day, or a week from now. I needed him now.

Our kisses turned steamy, our tongues exploring each other as I grabbed onto him for dear life. The closer I pulled him in, the more I started to feel the tightness in his pants. I rolled my hips forward, resulting in Landon moaning against my mouth. When he realized the sound he made, he sprung apart. “Not here, they have study rooms.”

The thrill of hooking up in this place ran down my spine, but a glance at a corner shut it down. “And they have security cameras too,” I said, nudging my head in the direction of the device.

Landon groaned, running a hand through his hair. His frustration made me laugh.

“You’re seriously mad you can’t risk a felony?” I teased, my hands casually returning to my jacket pockets.

He turned red, probably remembering that having sex in a public building with a person nearby wasn’t ideal. His glasses had a small fog on them, which he quickly cleaned off with his sleeve. “No, you’re right, you’re right. Sorry, heat of the moment.”

We both stood still, the reality of the situation finally settling in. My best friend of over a decade had confessed himself to me. He and I had no issue making out. The worst part? He and I still had to return to his bachelor party. The bachelor party where we shared a room. The one where I was his best man and he was set to get married in just days.

Was I a horrible person if I felt more excitement than guilt?

–

We had awkwardly agreed to return to the hotel, with just barely any words exchanged before we got into our cars. He had lingered in the parking lot until I went back in, my feelings of glee subsiding. Kinda hard to look forward to the weekend when the man you want around expresses regret.

I went back to the guys, still hoarding one of the pool tables.

“All good?” Bradley asked as I handed him his keys, “Groom texted that he was gonna be solo for a bit, probably check out some exhibit in town. Did anything happen?”

I shook my head. Not like I could admit what happened or tell anyone here… anything. I didn’t have any issues with any of the guys, but at the end of the day Landon and I truly were the closest. More than they’d think at this point.