Farmers Market Flower Day 01
“Well, I see that you’re playing your man card right from the start then, Lenny.”
“Now, now, Mrs. Evans. The girls, I mean, my two best employees hood winked me. I had nothing to do with them ordering such lowcut company logo t-shirts to work in while my coffee shop hosts a coffee kiosk here at the Farmers Market on Flower Day, so.”
“And the aprons that they wear in the shop, I mean, what, they caught on fire and burned or something then, Lenny, um-mmm?”
“I don’t know, you tell me what females have against drab drown aprons then. I’ve been hood winked, Mrs. Evans, hood winked, I say.”
Well, Mrs. Evans just doesn’t know what she’s talking about, folks. Anyways, I’m Lenny and I own the Lava Java Coffee Shop and I have been slowly, but surely dissolving people’s stomachs for over five years now.
“LOL, I’m just teasing with you, Lenny, but on a serious note, people will think it weird if you don’t at least wait until Kaylee and Kayla drop that last “teen” from their ages before you drool, LOL, or dream about their cleavage. I’m also reminding you that I have boobs too and I think they still work, so.”
“You see, Mrs. Evans, this is where you have things all wrong. I mean, with your family’s hardware store right across the street from my coffee shop, I mean, your boobs are all I think of, Mrs. Evans. Look, I didn’t want to admit this, but that sandpaper that I bought from your hardware store last week, I mean, I used it to sand down the hairy surface of a huge coconut so I could lay in my bed and suckle on it all the while thinking about you, Mrs. Evans, so?”
“Well, I may have a stray hair popping out around my nipples here and there, but that’s weird, even for you Lenny and I don’t mean the smoothly sanded coconut thing. It’s weird how you just used the word “suckle” in this day and age, but if that’s what it takes to get your lips latched onto my chest, well then Lenny, take me your house and suckle away then, LOL, no sandpaper required.”
Folks, I mean, well, no, I do not do that with a huge coconut (any more), but the size would be about right, so. And what’s wrong with the word “suckle” anyways? And who is going to update all the memes that use that word then?
“Alright Lenny, I’ll leave you be for a while, but just remember you have a line of credit at the hardware store and an invitation to bed me. LOL, and suck the nipples right off of me, so.”
I mean, what, right there in Farmers Market arena? Right. Well, maybe behind the Fruit Stand because it was Flower weekend and the Fruit Stand should have had a smaller crowd, so, maybe later.
“LOL, hardware store troubles, boss, LOL? Not that half of the people could hear half of that, so.”
“Shut it, Kaylee! And where is Kayla? Did she take a break already then?”
“Oh no, boss, Kayla is at the Fruit Stand picking up the huge coconuts that you asked for in trade for these lowcut t-shirts for us to wear today. And by the way, we have both symbolically cheek kissed you at the same time, so.”
“Well, that’s sweet of the two you, not that a little photoshopping work would hurt. Anyways, I’m going to cruise the Flower Day floor a little more, so?”
“Um, boss, even 19 years old girls know what man issues are, especially when the are hardware store driven or rubbed and I kind of have an idea how long sandpaper man issues last, so maybe a cup of java behind the counter then, huh?”
Stupid smart, educated and dating youth!
[Sip, people watch, sip, people watch, sip]
“Oh, boss, I wasn’t really expecting to see you behind our kiosk counter today, oh, oh, um, um, well then, um, hey, look at these puppies, I mean, these coconuts that I found for you, right? And if you’re extra careful with the sandpaper, I mean, Harold from the Fruit Stand said that the stem tip will be a lot like a nip, if you’re very careful and all. With the sandpaper. Around the stem tip. Um, and maybe I shouldn’t be holding these two juicy coconuts that are full of sweet milk the way I’m holding them, um, boss?????”
Stupid fricking hairy coconuts that were being presented to me with a particular holding technique and with stems that could be sanded down to resemble nipples! And stupid drool!
“Anyways, Harold, who is almost as freaky as you are, also said that if you drill a really small hole in the stem tip piece, I mean, well, you’re good with tools, boss, Ankara Rus Escort so I’m just going to leave that to you and then just leave these two huge ass coconuts for you behind the coffee machine, so. Um, boss, hello?”
Well, I mean, I didn’t need to stay at the temporary coffee kiosk anyways since my best two employees just using their fruit and the coconuts to make my head explode, so I slipped away, but not to the hardware store for a new drill, mind you.
“Two bundles of flowers for one today, Lenny, two for one. They would look good on each end of your coffee kiosk counter, Lenny, not to mention that your little chickadees would appreciate them, so? Also, you owe me for two bundles of flowers because the hubby thought that your coffee counter would look good with a bundle on each side of your little chickadee employees and he’s over there personally trying to plant them, so pay up. Also, my lips still work if you want to plant one on me, so?”
“Oh, um, I’m sorry about that, Mrs. Ventures, I mean, Kaylee and Kayla attract a lot of attention and I’ve forgotten what my “catch phrase” is for some reason, oh, I’ve been hood winked, that’s it and the girls won’t wink at your hubby’s hood, so.”
“Oh, don’t sweat it, Lenny. That old geezer hasn’t been able to get it up in over 15 years. Also, that old geezer plays cards with his other old geezer friends on Thursday nights if you ever want to pop around and pop off inside of me while you suckle on me, so?”
“Oh, I mean, Mrs. Ventures, I might do that some Thursday night then, not that I have a fantasy about being in a bed with you or anything. And most certainly not that I fulfill that fantasy with a watermelon with a hole bored in it, so.”
“Well, all my stuff still works, Lenny, but bring the melon baller tool with you anyways then.”
I mean, there was a link on Chang about the other uses for watermelons and then there was a tutorial video and then there was, well, never mind all that. Everyone loves watermelon, so.
“Damn it, Kayla, now where is Kaylee then? This is a coffee tent, not a coffee break tent! Well, wait, I guess we are a coffee break kiosk, but never mind that, where is Kaylee then?”
“Kaylee is just picking out a watermelon for you, boss, just like you told her to do, so???”
“Well, it’s not like I’m building a woman out of coconuts and a watermelon, Kayla, so!”
“Look, boss, I gave up judging you two years ago just after you hired Kaylee and myself. Anyways, you may think I don’t know a lot of stuff at the age of 19 and that might be true, but I know what guys like and I know that Mrs. Carter is just over there staring at a bunch of bananas, which might imply that she’s trying to figure out how to build a man, so?????”
Well, I never intend to stay at the kiosk all day anyways and I’ve said that already a couple of times, so it was a legit stroll, so, shut it.
“I mean, hey, Mrs. Carter, I mean, isn’t it funny how some of us always end up shopping for fruits and veggies on Flower Day then?”
“Oh, Lenny from the Lava Java shop then. I mean, oops, I just read somewhere that a good banana is directly related to its length, so there’s nothing funny going on here with my hands then, so?”
“Mrs. Carter, I don’t see any point in beating around the bush then. I’ve had sexual thoughts about making a fruit salad with you for a long time now. I mean, between your bananas and my watermelon and coconuts, I mean, we could toss quite a salad then, Mrs. Carter, which may have not sounded quite right, so?”
“Well, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, there might be a situation where we toss a fruit salad together some day, even though I don’t understand why people around us giggle every time one of us says “toss a salad”, but listen, the banana peel stays on, alright? I haven’t quite hit that mark yet. Also, Lenny from the Lava Java shop, I swear to you, I am not stroking this banana as we talk!”
Well, she was, but that was her business, so.
“Alright, you two, stop smirking at me like that and sell some coffee!”
“LOL, but boss, we think it’s cute how you’re going to be her banana man and how she is going to be your watermelon and coconut woman. Kinky, but cute. Also, you cover your bed with a sheet of plastic on sex night, right boss?”
Which is not a conversation that a boss has with his two Yenimahalle Escort employees, so another stroll around the market seemed in order then. And for some reason, the Fruit Stand was still as busy as any of the popup flower spots.
“LOL, don’t give me that funny look, young man! These cucumbers are for the hubby. He likes them in his salad, so. Well, wait, that may have sounded even more weird than the look you’re giving me right now, well, wait, listen, I don’t what that old faggot does when he eats in the Den room, so?”
“Oh, um, hi, I’m Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop and you should just ignore all the giggling from you talking about your hubby and his cucumber tossed salad. I mean, some people, right? Pervs!”
“Oh, but you’re not a perv, right Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop?”
“Well, it’s not like I figured out that I could flip my watermelon woman over and drill an even smaller and tighter hole in her, so? Also, it’s not like my watermelon woman’s name is Wilma either, so.”
“Oh my, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, I really want to advise you to stop talking, but for some reason, I just can’t do that. Also, I promise you, I am not stroking the skin off of this cucumber as we talk.”
Well, she was, but that was her business, LOL.
“I mean, what’s your name then?”
“Oh, my name is Mrs. Williams and I promise you that I’m not on my second cucumber since we started talking. But I am promising you that I’m at a loss for what to say next, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, so?”
“Well, Mrs. Williams, I mean, it seems to me that one of these nights you could tell your faggot hubby that you’re running out to get him a fresh batch of cucumbers and then, you know, stop by my place then. I mean, with advance notice so that I can put Wilma out in compost area and remove the plastic sheet off of my bed and all, of course, so???”
“Oh, I mean, maybe I’ll pick up a couple of extra cucumbers for Wilma the watermelon woman and she can stay then. Unless that’s too kinky for you, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, so?”
Well, fine, that one stumped me! But Wilma the watermelon woman probably wouldn’t go for it anyways seeing how she only lasts for like two days, not that my current Wilma the watermelon woman is version 93 right now.
“Alright, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, go to the hardware store for fresh plastic sheet bed linen and set something up for us then. And I’m not even worried if you have to sneak me in your back door and I wouldn’t be mad if you sneak into my back door either, so. I mean, I’m assuming you have some back door oil laying around or something, right? Also, if you don’t have some sex lube, pick some up because unlike Wilma the watermelon woman, I’m not made of 75% water and I like it in the butt, not that I learned that from my faggot hubby, so?”
Ahh, yep, stumped again! But I like her gusto. And her butt, so.
“And just what the hell are you two smirking about then?”
“The math, boss and not the cash box math, boss. I mean, it doesn’t seem healthy that you’ve stepped up to the starting line so many times this morning without reaching the final finish line yet, boss. It just doesn’t seem healthy, boss, so?”
Well, Kaylee and Kayla weren’t wrong, I suppose, but what the hell, right? We were at the Farmers Market Flower Day, not the No Roof hotel, right?
“OMG, Men! Boss, think with your other head then! There must be 30 empty cube trucks just outside and in the back!”
Oh, stupid clouded thinking. Of men, of course.
“Oh, I mean, I announced that Flower Day was raise day too, right girls?”
“(Stupid how men got the dicks!) I mean, flower day, raise day, bonus day, let the good times roll, boss. Also, OMG, just how is that stupid men got the meat then? I mean, yay, raise day.”
“Lighten up, Kaylee, but she’s not wrong, boss. Anyways, oops.”
[Packages slide across the kiosk counter top]
“Banana Rama condoms? Ah, I’d say something about this, but I’ve memorized the “shut it because we’re 19 and practically a grown woman” harmonized clap back, so.”
“Oh, we’ve dropped the “practically” these days, boss.”
Yeah, OK then, grown women at 19, cool. Well, I suppose they were, so, back to how there were about 30 empty cube trucks parked just out back.
“Lenny, there is loose dirt from the crates of flowers in the back of my farm cube truck, duh! Why in the hell would you ask me about that then, Lenny?”
“Oh, oops, I mean, I was just wondering, that’s all, Mrs. Denton. I mean, I caught a small glimpse of you freshening up your lip stick and it kind of turned me on, so.”
“Ooh, oh, so, you want to make out with me in the back of my cube truck then, Lenny?”
“I mean, Mrs. Denton, I mean, making out, feeling you up, doing you from behind while pressing you up against the cube truck wall, I mean, it’s all the same thing, right?”
“Well, I never! But I might, if you can give me ten minutes, so.”
I mean, OK!
“Ow, ow, hoof, hoof, hoof, Lenny, ow, ag, ag, hoof, I should have sucked you off first, ow, oh, oh, ow, oh.”
[Wow, what a sight! Hands high up the wall, butt pushed out and whimpering sexy! Viva la Flower Day]
“Aargh, aargh, oh, oh, ag, ag, oh, Mrs. Denton, oh, that’s wet, ooh, um, um, oops, oops, ahh, ahh.”
Well, I mean, like Kaylee said, I had been to starting line like nine times, so things were just a little worked up, so, but I blew, not that’s all a guy cares about, so.
“Oh, it’s alright, Lenny, it’s been a while and that may have been my limit anyways, so [mwah], go before we have to explain this to anyone. And close the damn cube truck rear door next time!”
Oops, I mean, well, I was horny as hell and not thinking about a roll down door, so.
[Swish, near miss with dirt, swish, near miss with dirt]
“Um, Mrs. Andrews???”
“OMG, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, I didn’t see you lurking there, LOL, did I sweep dirt in your face, sweetie?”
[Spit, cough, spit, spit]
“Um, a near miss, Mrs. Andrews [cough, spit], so, what are you doing then. I mean, other than sweeping out the dirt from the back of your cube truck.”
“I mean, duh, other than sweeping out the cube ruck, I mean, obviously I’m sweeping out the cube truck, so what are you doing then, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop, other than spitting out the dirt that I just filled your mouth with from sweeping out my flower cube truck then?”
“Oh, I mean, other than all that, Mrs. Andrews, I mean, I was lurking here and admiring your skills with the way you handle the broom stick and all, so.”
“Oh, you like that then, Lenny from the Lava Java Coffee Shop? Well, back in my day, you were either good with your sticking handling or pregnant, so? Well, I mean, the mouth stuff came much later, so.”
“Well, I know that you used to be friends with my mom, so.”
“And that’s better said that we weren’t mortal enemies and we shouldn’t take that conversation any further, so? But if you happen to let it slip that I still have my figure or something, that’s fine, so.”
“Well, we’ll leave the past in the past then [click] and I’ll keep these [click] photos to myself, but just to make it clear that I’m just a stupid guy who doesn’t know when to shut it, I mean, just what is or what was the “maneuver” then, Mrs. Andrews?”
Well, first let me clearly state that Mrs. Andrews kick a leg out and crooked her finger to lure inside of her cube truck and then let me say that she didn’t lure and she only needed to crook her finger one time before I was high hurdling into the back of the cube truck. But it was clearly her idea to leave the two rear doors open because it was important that things were well lit up by the sun light.
And then let me say, viva la flower cube truck and flower bundling supplies! I mean, without saying a word while not allowing our eyes to wander off from each other’s faces, I mean, she cut a short length of bundling string from the roll, about a index finger in length maybe, wiggled it at me like a worm and then popped it into her mouth and made several moments of very alluring mouth movements and then opened her mouth with a huge smile with a small piece of bundling string between he teeth that was tied in a knot! A double knot! And if I didn’t mention it, it was tied in a double knot!
“My mom won’t come to our wedding, Mrs. Andrews, but will you marry me then?”
“LOL, we can’t do that, young man, but I’ll take a belly full from my old schoolmate nemesis’ son, so?”
Look, never mind that she already had my zipper down. I mean, seriously? Mom and my loyalty to mom vs her school nemesis who could tie a double knot in a small piece of string with just her tongue and her teeth! Seriously! Also, ugh, seriously?
Well, men don’t do well when it comes to making sound decisions when it comes to sex and that’s all I’m saying for now other than, seriously, a double knot and I watch out for lightning storms, so.
End Farmers Market Flower Day 01