Birthday Plans


We were sitting in a booth at the deserted Vietnamese place, across from each other. The banh mi sandwiches are only five bucks, on baguettes, they’re good. Soy tea, it’s a nice lunch; we were there after the normal lunch rush. Lisa was looking lovely with the bright window behind her, her mane glowing like a halo. She takes the seeds out of her jalapeño pieces so it’s not so hot, and I give her extra twigs of cilantro that fall out of my beef sandwich. It’s just what we’ve always done.

We had been talking about politics when she leaned forward across the table and I automatically leaned in, toward her. “So,” she said. “Your birthday is coming up.”

“Yeah,” I said, “I’ll be another year older.”

“What do you want for your birthday?”

“I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. Nothing.”

“Okay,” Lisa said. “Well I have an idea for your birthday that I think you will like.”

She waited, looking at me. I said, “Okay, I’ll bite. What is it?”

“You have to tell me what you want.”

“What do you mean, what I want?”

“Sexually. What would you want? You must have a fantasy.” I’ll give her this: she is not predictable.

A million images passed through my mind in the same instant. I pictured her blushing bottom over my knees, I pictured myself naked, serving lunch to her and her friends, I imagined her and her friend Gina sucking my dick together, I imagined a session with a professional photographer hovering over our naked, sweating bodies, I imagined her hitting on a guy in a bar with me across the room watching, I imagined her bent over the bed with my cock ramming her asshole… these thoughts came simultaneously, in a fraction of a second.

“I don’t know,” I said. “What would you want?”

“That’s not the question,” she said. “I’m asking you.”

“I don’t have any big secret sexual fantasy,” I said.

She gave me a knowledgeable smile. “Uh huh,” she said. Sip of soy tea. “And I’m a virgin.” She was wearing her yellow sundress, and as she leaned forward her cleavage rose subtly over the neckline. It was not immodest, but my eyes had to dart there, and then back to her face.

“If there’s something I want to do, we do it,” I said.

“Uh huh.”

“What makes you think I have some deep dark fantasy?”

“I just do,” she said. “I know you. You have lots of them.”

“Okay, and let’s say I do. What then?”

She looked at my eyes. I could see her reviewing her words, before she let them out. “Maybe we could do it,” she said.

“I see, so I have a fantasy and you are saying we could do it, whatever it is.”

“I don’t want you to be bored,” she said.

“Oh, I’m not,” I said, but I knew what she meant. It has been nearly ten years. She might be feeling a bit of over-familiarity with the routine, too.

“So,” she said. “What would you want?”

“I don’t know.”

“Me and Gina?”


“Oh come on, you would jump her bones in a heartbeat.”

“You would never forgive me.”

“I’d be there. It would be both of us.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” I said.

She shrugged. “I’m trying to find out what you want. I’m not such an old dog that I can’t learn a new trick.”

“You and Gina, huh?” I was hard in my levis under the formica-topped table.

“I’m pretty sure she’d go for it,” Lisa said.

“She would?”

“If I talked to her about it, yes. She’s got a little history, you know.”

“You and Gina, huh?” Gina is a lawyer, slender, energetic. There had always been a spark between us. “Interesting.”

Lisa said, “It would be me and Gina doing you up one side and down the other. Two on one, I don’t think Gina has any more interest in me than I have in her. Me and Gina doing you.”

“I see,” I said.

“Something kinky, maybe,” Lisa said. She glanced around the room. There was one Asian man eating with chopsticks near the far wall, otherwise no one. “You could fuck me in the ass.”

“Well first of all, I wouldn’t call that kinky. Second, you wouldn’t do that.”

“You never know,” she said mischievously.

“I would like that,” I said, imagining it as I spoke. “But it is not a great, deep birthday fantasy of mine. It could just be something we try sometime, if you’re game.”

“Butt-fucking is not kinky?” Lisa asked.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“So what is?”

“What is kinky? Shit, Lisa, I don’t know. I think whips are kinky, and pain. Tying somebody up. People do all kinds of stuff to each other.”

“I don’t think I like the idea of whips,” Lisa said. “Would you want to whip me?”

“No,” Doc said. “Well, maybe with a little whip. A riding crop, I don’t think that would qualify as kinky. I could smack your pussy with it.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Lisa, you like it when I smack your pussy with my fingers. A nice smooth little riding crop could be even better.”

“I hate it when you do that.”

“So why do you have huge orgasms when I slap your pussy with my hand?”

“Is that your fantasy, to beat my pussy with a whip?”

“Just a little one. And not beat it, really, just sort of make it sting and tingle. And no, that is not my great ataköy escort sexual dream.”

“Would you want to tie me up?”

“I’ve thought of that,” Doc said. “It might be fun to tie you up but then, I don’t know, that’s the thing. Just tying you up doesn’t seem like a big deal. I could do anything I wanted to you, but I can do anything I want to you already.”

A waiter came by and filled our water. American music was playing on a cheap radio, making the Vietnamese atmosphere seem even more genuine. The waiter did not look at our faces but only concentrated on pouring the water. Even so, he spilled some on the tabletop. When he left Lisa wiped it up with her baby-puke-yellow cloth napkin.

“You could spank me,” she said.


“Yes, really. Once.”

“You wouldn’t like that.”

“It’s not about me,” she said.

“I would love that,” I said. “Maybe sometime. Over my knees, panties down.”

“Of course,” she said. “Offer expires at midnight.”

“It does?”

“No,” she said, “Just joking. Spanking doesn’t seem very kinky, does it?”

Doc said, “No, spanking is like butt-fucking, I think it is just normal stuff that people do. Kinky means unusual things, I think.”

“How would you like a blow job in the men’s room?”


“If that’s your fantasy.”

“That sounds like fun,” I said, “But it’s not my great dream.”

“I could flash you in public.”


“I don’t know. Somewhere.”

“Would you flash a stranger?”

“I don’t know,” she said. She looked away and sighed. “Okay, if that’s what you want. Yes, I would do that.”

“You would sit somewhere and spread your legs and let a stranger see your pussy?”

“I told you already. Don’t keep talking about it, if that’s your fantasy I can do that.” She had a great fear that somehow she would accidentally be exposed, that someone would see her panties when she stood up, or look down her top when she bent over. It always struck me as an oddly irrational concern, since it would only last a second, it wouldn’t hurt anything, and the other person wouldn’t even know who she is. I was tempted to ask her to flash a stranger just to see if she would.

“We could get a photographer,” I said.

She laughed. “You son of a bitch. Yes, of course. If that’s what you want.” I had teased her in the past about having a photographer come in when we were having sex. Of course my comments usually suggested that the photographer would lend a hand or tongue occasionally, or hold a toy, but the gist of it was someone taking professional, well-focused pictures of us in our most intimate moments.

“Two guys,” I said.

“What about it?”

“Me and another guy at the same time. We could find somebody with a big dick and the two of us could fuck you silly for an hour or two.”

“I don’t,” she started, “I don’t know.” She swallowed. “I don’t know if I could do that.”

“I see. Okay.”

“Is that your fantasy?”

“I would only want to do it if you wanted to do it,” I said.

“If that’s what you dream of, I’ll tell you what, I’ll do it. I said I would and I would.”

“You would go to bed with me and another man?”

“I said I would.” She did not sound happy about it.

“Who would it be?” I asked.

“Don’t ask me. It’s your fantasy, you choose.”

“Yes, I see.”

We sat in silence. She took a bite that left a drip of sauce at the corner of her mouth. She quickly pulled up her napkin and dabbed at it. “Did I get it?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

She replaced her napkin in her lap and then grabbed for it. “Woops, it slipped,” she said, and she reached under the table to get it. “I’m a klutz,” she said. “But it’s still clean. So, what did you think of?” Her cheerful mood had returned and she looked at me with a curious, mischievous expression, almost laughing.

“It is an interesting question and I have never thought about it,” I said. “Let me think out loud. If I have a fantasy it is like this. In my deep, dark dream you go completely wild, indulge everything you have ever wanted, you have amazing experiences and in the end you still want me.”

“That’s stupid,” she said, matter-of-factly.

“No, it’s not,” I said. “It is the most normal thing in the world. Look at porn, all the porn I have ever seen has one thing in common, an uninhibited woman with a huge appetite for sex who ignores the norms and restrictions of society and does everything she wants.”

“Who said anything about porn?” Lisa said.

“You asked about my fantasies. I have the same fantasies as everybody else.”

“Your fantasies are porn?”

“My fantasies are an uninhibited woman going wild.”


“Well, since you offered.”

“What kind of wild?”

“Dirty, slutty, over-the-top, nasty,” I said. “Every sexual thing you are not supposed to do. Everything. Clothes, makeup, everything. Knee deep in puddles of cum, orgasms till you can’t keep your eyes open.”

“You want me to be a slut?”

I laughed. “No, Lisa, I don’t even understand the concept.”

“You just said it.”

“Yes, I did. What do you think escort bayan istanbul a slut is?”

“You know.”

“No I don’t.”

“A slut is somebody that fucks somebody else’s boyfriend, I guess,” she said. “At least in high school that’s what it meant.”

“And now?”

“And now what?”

“What does a slut do, now that we’re grown up?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Okay,” I said, turning the tables a bit. “So let’s say a woman – not you – was to go wild and do everything she is not supposed to do, everything she dreamed of. What would she do?”

“I guess she would fuck different guys,” Lisa said, taking a sip of soy tea. “She’d be a slut, pretty much same as high school.”

“Okay, good, that’s a start.”

“Well I’m not going to do that,” she said.

“What if that was my fantasy?”

“God,” she said, “That wouldn’t… you wouldn’t want that.”

“What if I did?”

“I don’t know. I guess I could try it. No, I don’t think so, I might break up with you, rather than do that.”

“I see, so you want my birthday fantasy to be something you approve of.”

“Okay,” she said. “If that is what you really wanted me to do, I could do that. I wouldn’t like it, but I’d do it.”

“Oh, I think you’d like it,” I said.

“Fuck you.”

“Depends on who it was.”

She glared at me like she was going to throw her food at me, then softened slightly. “Yeah, probably,” she conceded. I wondered who crossed her mind at that moment.

“But I am not talking about just indiscriminately fucking a lot of different guys,” I said. “I don’t think that’s what would happen if a woman did everything she is not supposed to do, and everything she ever wanted to do. I don’t mean a slut, I mean an erotic goddess.”

“And what do you think this woman would do?” Lisa asked.

“What do you think?”

“Probably wife-swapping and swinging and gangbangs and creepy stuff like that,” she said.

“Yeah, that would all probably be part of it,” I said. “She’d probably be bisexual.”


“Are you kidding me? Don’t you think a woman would know how to eat your pussy better than any man?”

“Well, yeah, but… I don’t know if I could go there.”

“What if it was my fantasy?”

“Is it?”

“Well I do have a raging hard-on at the moment,” I said. “And I would bet money your pussy is dripping into your panties.”

“You would lose that bet,” she said, laughing. “I am just sweaty.”

“Uh huh.” I took a sip of soy tea.

“So you want me to get it on with a girl?” she asked.

“I didn’t say that. Would you do it, if that was what I wanted?”

“I guess I could,” she said. “Please not Gina. That would not be cool.”

“Okay. Anyway, that is not my big fantasy.”

She looked relieved. “It’s not?”

“No, of course not, that’s just a little part of it. The fantasy is for you to go wild and do everything you are not supposed to do. You’d have to be bisexual but that’s just part of it.”

She looked around the room. “Everything, huh?”

“You asked.”

“Well,” she said, “I actually meant I’d do something for like one night. I didn’t mean fulfilling all your fantasies forever. That would be a hell of a birthday present.”

“You could have an orgy with guys and girls there, both. Take them all on at once.”

“And you would like that?”

“Would you?”

“No, absolutely not.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“That’s disgusting,” she said. “It’s demeaning.”

“Oh, well if it was demeaning then don’t do it. I meant things that you are not supposed to do that you would want to try. It might be scary, it might push your limits but it should not be demeaning.”

“I do not have any interest at all in any kind of group sex. Or swinging or swapping or whatever they call it now. It’s gross.”

“What if it was my fantasy?”

“God, this is fucked up. I’m sorry I brought it up. Why would you want that?”

“Maybe I would want to see how you liked it,” I said.

“I wouldn’t.”

“You might be surprised,” I said.

“I hope I am not surprised,” she said. “I hope I hate it.”

“But if that was my fantasy for you to do that, you would have an orgy with men and women?”

“I don’t like that word, it sounds ugly.”

“Okay, we’ll call it something different. You would host an erotic festival. Better?”

“You’d have to set it up. I don’t want to do it with people I know, okay?”

“What do you think would happen if you had a bisexual orgy?”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it,” she replied.

“Do you think you would suck somebody’s dick?”

She paused. “Yeah, probably.”

“Would you eat somebody’s pussy?”

“God, Doc, I don’t know.”

“You mean you would be in a pile of naked people with a pussy right in front of your face and you would not lick it and suck it?”

“Do I have to?”

“No, you don’t have to do anything. You do everything you would want to do that you are not allowed to do now.”

“I probably wouldn’t.”


“Okay, I probably would.”

“Is it possible that somebody beylikdüzü escort would be fucking you while you sucked a cock or ate somebody’s pussy, all at the same time?”

“Doc, I don’t think I can even imagine that. I couldn’t.”

“Because what, it would be too hard to concentrate?”

“I don’t know.”

“Dick up your ass, dick in your pussy, dick in your mouth, cum everywhere.”

“Is that your fantasy?”

“If it was?”

“I don’t know.” She looked a little frazzled, but she did not change the subject.

“You wouldn’t do that?”

“Why would you want me to?”

“Because you might have the most fun you’ve ever had in your life,” I said.

“That’s gross.”

“Uh huh.”

“I guess I could,” she said, grudgingly. “Where would you be?”

“Oh I guess I’d be one of the dicks.”

“So would you be eating pussy too?”

“It would seem rude not to,” I said.

She smiled. “Oh so you would suck some dicks, too.”

“Again, I think it would be rude not to.”

“You would do that?” She seemed incredulous.

“I never have done that but it doesn’t seem right to be the prude at the party.”

“What if some guy came in your mouth?”

“I’d do my best,” I said.

“You’d swallow it?”

“Well it would be kind of fucked up to spit it out, wouldn’t it?”

“I think that would be a real eye-opener for you, having some dude come in your mouth. You would see what that was like.”

“It sounds disgusting but I am not afraid to try it.”

She looked at me in wonder. “Is that your fantasy?”

“What, sucking a dick? No. But I would not want to be that wimpy-ass guy who sits in a chair and watches.”

“But you would want me to have a gangbang or orgy or whatever and fuck a bunch of people.”

“I would want you to do everything you are not supposed to do. You know, one day you will be dead. You don’t want to miss anything, do you?”

“There are some things I don’t need to do.”

“Sure, like have a bunch of orgasms with a bunch of people fucking you and licking you and touching you and covering you with cum.”

“Uh, gross.”

“I see.”

“Is that your fantasy?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “So you tell me. What would you do that you have never allowed yourself to do, that you would want to do, that seems so out-of-bounds you would never even bring it up?”

I could see her gears turning. “Robert Braddon,” she said.

“What about him?” She was referring to a casual friend of mine.

“I could fuck him,” she said.

“Robert Braddon, huh?”

“Yeah, he’ a good looking guy. Muscles, dimples. He’s funny, too. And I bet he would.”

“And how do you imagine that would work out?”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell me how it would happen.”

“Okay, well I don’t know, really. I guess you would have to tell him it was okay, first. Then maybe we could go somewhere, the three of us, and you would leave and he would have to drive me home.”

“What if he didn’t make a move?”

“Doc, if he didn’t make a move on me it would be the first time.”

“He hits on you?”

She laughed. “You didn’t notice?”

“Huh, I guess not. So he has to drive you home and then what?”

“I think I would roll us a nice fat joint out of my son’s stash, and pop a couple of beers. We would sit in the living room and talk for a while, I’d come over and sit next to him on the couch. I think he’d know what to do next.”

Robert is a blue-jeans and flannel shirt kind of guy, wears work boots, drinks a little bit. I don’t hang out with him very much but we have been friends for years. I had never noticed anything between the two of them. “So tell me, do you think Robert would be good in bed, actually?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if he was not?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” she said.

“Would you-” I began, but she was thinking. She cut me off.

“No, that’s a good point,” she said. “Guys are probably still just the same as they were when I was in college. He’d probably just be a disappointment. I wouldn’t wait for him to make a move. I think I’d take control of the situation.”

I felt a small, inexplicable sense of relief.

“You know what I’d do?” she continued. “I’d bring him in and get him stoned, get him nice and comfortable on the couch with a beer and give him a blow job he would never forget.”


“Huh, Doc, it would be fun. And also if I have no expectations I won’t be disappointed.”

“But what-“

“And also, it might turn out that he is good in bed, I might find a nice hard cock in there that is ready to go, and he might react in nice ways, and a blow job can always turn into something else. We could end up upstairs.”

“I see, so the blow job is a kind of screening test.”

“Yeah, in a way. Plus, it would just be fun. Imagine the look on his face.” Lisa was enjoying this fantasy.

“Robert, huh?”

“Well, you asked.”

“Anybody else?”

“Sure,” she said. But she did not offer up names.

I felt a little hurt, somehow. “I didn’t know about Robert,” I said.

“Didn’t know? What’s there to know? Nothing has happened.”

“I didn’t know you and he were, I don’t know.”

“Shit, Doc, he is not the only man who flirts with me. It’s a big wide world out there. It does not look to me like you would actually be able to handle it if something like that happened.”

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